VVV VVV VVVV VVVV VVVV VVVV VVVV VVVV TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT VVVVV Bryan VVVVV TTTT VVVVV VVVVV MMM MMM II TT VVVVV VVVVV OOOOO MM MM MM MM TT VVVV VVVV O O MM MMMM MM II TT VVVVVVVV O #17 O MM MM MM II TT VVVV O O MM MM II TT OOOOO II (Get to know your god) Hey worms. Time for the seventeenth ramble-fest that is Vomit. This Vomit is yet another article from the school paper. Some Asian chick with big breasts interviewed me 'cause I got "Most Unique" for a senior superlative. ================================================================ JUST CAUSE YOU ARE SO UNIQUE IT DOESN'T NECESSARILY FOLLOW THAT YOU'RE A GEEK This year's superlative for most unique went to Bryan Fellatio (No, that's not my real last name, jackass) and Meredith Cunnilingus (Not her real last name either, and you're still a jackass). Luckily, I found Bryan and persuaded him to answer a few questions. I realized many truths, his feelings about his identity, and how it will affect his post-high school plans. What makes you the most unique person in your class? Lots of stuff. I'm just so cool. My shameless ploys for attention, my spastic attitude, my cool clothes, and my socks. Oh yeah, my socks. You gotta love the socks. I mean, they're blue! Haha! Blue socks! I'm very clean, you know. I just appear to be a dirt-bag, but I shower everyday. Completely naked. I'm the only one cool enough to admit that the 80's were the best decade ever. Everyone should love me. Do you ejoy being unique? Yes and no. Sometimes I get sad and need a hug and no one will hug me because I'm evil. It's fun being different and getting attention and amusing people. But I want to be more than that. I want to be your lover, and all I am is a clown. Like some sort of entertainer. I have feelings. Can you recall an event which would classify you as unique? Heck yes! I think that being Pee-Wee Herman for ten years seriously affect my mental stability. The constant badgering, beatings, and spankings made me into this misfit. I blame all of you. No one ever loved me. Have you always been unique? No. It began when I was a small boy, stricken with polio. I watched too much tv. I didn't have any friends. I looked like Pee-Wee. I was(am) scrawny, so I was easy to beat up. Just a lethal combination of things that made me into this creature. Parents, learn from me. If your child exhibits one or more of these traits they may become a freakish dork like me. Contact a professional, or call the Covenant House nine line at 1-800-999-9999. What's special about being unique? All da ladies. Gotta love da ladies. And the free sausage at The Sausage Shack. The owner digs me as much as he digs sausage. The Sausage Shack is a li'l ol' place where we can get together. Sausage Shack baby... What's the best part? I'm not really pressured to get a job or act respectable 'cause no one expects me to. 'Cause you're all prejudiced BIGOTS! What's the worst part? The intestinal worms. Gingivitis. No one will ever love me. "Make me laugh, Bryan! Make me laugh!" "NO! MAYBE I'M HAVING A BAD DAY, ALRIGHT!" What do you think you get out of it? Time, love, and tenderness. Do you plan to change in the future? Unless God starts smiling upon me I'm not going to have a future. Counsel me. I crashed my car today. I'm not feeling very hootie. No one loves me. What's your fondest memory? When the doctor said I didn't have worms anymore. Anything to add? Thank you for caring. Hug? =========================================================== VOMIT Index ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Vomit 1..................................................................Intro Vomit 2........................................Part 1 of "Quest of the K-rads" Vomit 3...........................................................Masturbation Vomit 4.............................................................The Smurfs Vomit 5..............................................Ozzy visits Sesame Street Vomit 6...........................................................John Is Dead Vomit 7..............................................................My Sheets Vomit 8...........................Michael Jerome Vioreanu: A Study in Loserdom Vomit 9............................Tighty-whities & Useless trivia about Vomit Vomit 10..............................A Guide To Annoying People In Chat Rooms Vomit 11..............................................More of Biafra's Dribble Vomit 12.......................................................Bryan's Day Off Vomit 13................................................Vomit Studio Out-takes Vomit 14..............................................Ivy League Material I Am Vomit 15...........The Unfunny Vomit Pageant That's Filled with Juvenile Humor Vomit 16..................................................Vomit Gets Political Vomit 17.............................................What's up with the B-man? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Dumb bitch never did hug me VOMIT Information HTTP://www.gti.net/vomit Hate us? Dislike us? Indifferent? We wanna know! Write us! Write Bryan: eighties@gti.net Write Biafra(Drew): biafra@gti.net Wanna join vomit? Send something you've written to Bryan. I mean seriously, I'm not supposed to be the only writer. Get with it people.