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When you go to the stadium, the first thing to strike you is the beautiful green pitch. Its lush, living surface reflects the afternoon sunlight towards your eyes as you move to take your seat. Your gaze follows the action on the field - first the introductions, then the kickoff. Colors whiz past, cheers form from a section to your left, drums pound a steady rhythm of support to your right. Players converge and contract, breathing life to a small white sphere, moving and shuffling the orb to its nylon conclusion. Let's face it. Soccer is a boring game. Thankfully, here in America, we know how to make things more attractive. We know how to spice things up. We know how to market a product, and we know what the customer wants... and in our country, the land of the free and the home of the brave, we want flash. We want dash. We want something exciting and sexy. Someting that stimulates all the senses. We want Jock Jams. Yes folks, the American sports-goer wants Jock Jams. We hear Jock Jams at every sporting event. C & C Music Factory at the Yankees Game. A touch of Gary Glitter at Giants Stadium. And who can deny the pizzaz a good 2 Unlimited ditty gives to a crowd? This is why we need Jock Jams in our soccer stadia. Imagine it. You walk out into the open expanse of a variety of mammoth MLS stadia. You sit down. The game commences. You wait patiently for something to happen, BUT IT NEVER DOES. And it never will, UNLESS you have the 69 Boys bustin' out all over with "Tootsee Roll", or Technotronic playin' it old school with some of that "Pump Up The Jam" flava. Oh GOD those throw-ins take FOREVER. And the goal kicks? Forget about it. What about those godforsaken stoppages in play? Wouldn't a nice round of "Whoomp! There It Is!" be a good way to keep your attention, and at the same time, get your booty bouncing? Think about it. Without Jock Jams telling you when to get excited, you might've actually gotten excited watching the game itself, and as we all know, THAT ain't never gonna happen. Jock Jams are the answers to your troubles! We must, nay, REQUIRE our soccer stadia do everything in their power to make the the action on the pitch bouce along to a constat phat beat. Some MLS stadia have already seen the light, and are using Jock Jams during games. We applaud these visionaries! Jock Jams during the run of play? Beautiful! Jock Jams drowning out drums from supporters clubs? Glad to hear it! Mindless Americans being spoon-fed lifeless entertainment? Where do I sign up! Folks, the choice is obvious. We need Jock Jams in every, I repeat, EVERY MLS STADIUM. And the TAXI Fanzine is just the vehicle to do that very thing. We at the site are starting a petition for YOU THE FANS to sign and express how much you want Jock Jams. It is our goal to have Jock Jams playing through the ENTIRE 90 MINUTES OF EACH AND EVERY MLS GAME. This is only a dream, friends, but with your help it CAN become a reality. Simply make your voice heard by signing our "Give Us Our Damn Jock Jams" Petition. When enough signatures have been made, we will mail a copy to each and every MLS GM, and also MLS commish Don Garber. Have faith, fellow zombies! Canned excitement is within our grasp! |
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