Olsen Shocker
As you may know, this site has been known to pull its share of pranks and practical jokes. We promise that the following is NOT one of them
Recently, I got an e-mail from a young lady, commenting on various portions of my site. She made mention that she enjoyed the DC United hate page, but didn't like the story about Ben Olsen and Bruce Arena being lovers, because, as she put it, "Ben is not gay. I should know, because I've had sex with him."
At first I was like, "whatever". I was entirely prepared to responded with a "Bully for you", and hit the Send button, when I thought to myself, "Eh? Let's find out if she's for real." So that's what I did. I asked the woman to tell me her entire story. How did she meet him? Where did they go? What happened? Was it a one night stand? Etc. She wrote me back the next day. Now to me, her response really does sound like an e-mail written by a young, not terribly bright girl that did actually do this.
The following is her response.
From: *******
To: mmejido@gti.net
Date: Monday, November 13, 2000 7:57 PM
Subject: Re: your site
Before I met him:
I was not a big fan of the DC United until that day in May when I decided to
watch one of their games. They introduced the starters and one just looked really good. He was the hottest guy I had ever
seen in my life. It was the one and only Ben Olsen! There was just
something about Ben that I couldn't get over. Was it his messy tangly Eddie
Vedder hair that was wet from the rain or was it his muscles that were
exposed out of his soaking shirt? I have no idea but it got to me, it got to
me good. After this, I never missed a game. I looked him up on line, tried
to talk to him, and just became completely obsessed with him. I couldn't stop
talking about him even if I didn't really know him.
When I met him:
I had been longing for Ben and fantasizing about him every night until I
found out that Ben would make an appearance at the local sports bar that
Saturday night. Now I knew what I had to do so I changed into the tightest
jeans and shirt that I had, curled my hair, put some make-up on, bought some
condums ( just in case) and headed off to the sports bar. Okay I wasn't
planning on actually doing it with him that night but you never know when
you're gonna need condums. Besides, I was like five years younger than he
was. So, when I got to the bar, I met with a few more people who were also
waiting to see Ben who hadn't arrived yet. After what seemed like an hour he
showed up along with Chris Albright. But I couldn't see them because all
these people were around them. Finally, things were calmed down and the two
of them sat down at a table. I got a couple of friends to sit down with me
at a table nearby theirs. I couldn't believe I was actually seeing him in
person. I was really nervous but I
got enough nerve to get up and walk over to him. I put both my hands on his
table, leaned over, and said in his ear, "Will you sign this?" as I pulled
out a mini soccer ball out of my bag. You could tell that he was looking at
my cleavage but was trying not to stare or make it obvious. We talked a
little while and I told him I was a really big fan of his and he asked me
where I was from and how old I was (of course I lied). When I started to
walk away, he said, "Wait! What's your name?" and I told him then he asked me
if I wanted to meet up with him some time and I said that I couldn't (because
he didn't know what age I actually was) but I still thought it was the
coolest thing in the whole world and I wanted to sooooo badly. I guess he
could tell by the way that I looked at him that I really wanted to because
then he was like, " Oh come on we could do something tonight. You're a big
fan of mine so you might as well because this is your only chance you'll get
to do this with me." He was definetly right so I agreed. Hey, it was only
one night its not like he could find anything about me. We both decided we
wanted to see a movie and I told him that I could drive there and he said he
could call for a ride. This was the night of my life.
The "Date"
Well, we never actually made it to the theater, I guess we were both too
horny because when we got there and parked, we looked into each other's eyes
and it was as though we could read each other's minds. Before I knew it, we
were at my place in my bedroom making out. We layed down on the bed and I
could feel his hands crawl under my shirt and touch my breasts so I
unbuttoned my shirt and took off my bra. He reached for my jeans and
unzipped them and I did the same with his. It was a great night but when I woke up with Ben the next morning things just
seemed so much different and we both realized that we don't really know each
other very well and it just felt really awkward. He got a ride home and we
decided not to see each other again because it turns out he has a girl friend
Shortly after reading this, I started to ask her more specific questions. Those e-mail Q&A's are here:
mejido: How old are you?
mystery girl: 18
mejido: Are you in high school or college?
mystery girl: high school
mejido: what classes do you like the best
mystery girl: history & art
mejido: Why Ben Olsen?
mystery girl: because he's hot as shit
mejido: How is Ben Olsen in person?
mystery girl: Hyper, full of energy, can't sit still, but also quiet at the same time. he's also pretty friendly
mejido: .....Does he try to be smooth around a lady?... or is he down to earth
mystery girl: niether~ he's sort of a wimp when it comes to girls but as soon as they approach him he is no longer shy about it
mejido: When did you lose your virginity
mystery girl: at a party when i was 15
mejido: about how many guys have you had sex with
mystery girl: 6,including my present boyfriend
mejido: What does Ben Olsen say during sex?
mystery girl: guy stuff "oh yeah baby oh yeah"
mejido: Is he rough or gentle?
mystery girl: rough
mejido: is that how you like it?
mystery girl: i liike both
mejido: did you tell Ben acts to perform on you, or did he take over....
mystery girl: acts to perform on me, but it was both ways
mejido: Is Ben a good kisser?
mystery girl: yes
mejido: what makes him a good kisser
mystery girl: big mouth
mejido: ....what sexual act is ben best at, in your opinion
mystery girl: feeling me w/his hands
mejido: Is Ben Olsen good at giving oral sex?
mystery girl: not really
mejido: why? what makes a guy good at oral sex? (note to reader - I need no smart backtalk about why I asked her this question)
mystery girl: if they are slick
mejido: and ben is not 'slick'?
mystery girl: i think its becaus ehe would just rather get into the action right away
mejido: why do you think so?
mystery girl: he is impatient
mejido: What sexual act is Ben not very good at?
mystery girl: ORAL SEX
mejido: for all the reasons already stated, obviously
mystery girl: yes
mejido: ....What about you made Ben so horny?
mystery girl: the shape of my body the way i talk and move
mejido: Have you always had your way with guys?
mystery girl: ever since middle school
mejido: What celebrity do you resemble?
mystery girl: the girl in american beauty. 4got her name sorry
mejido: .....did Chris Albright show you as much attention as Ben did?
mystery girl: actually he showed more
mejido: what did he do?
mystery girl: he really thought i was hot because he wwould look me up and down and try to break in our conversation
mejido: What do you think of Chris Albright?
mystery girl: i think he is adorable but not as hot as ben
mejido: why is Chris so adorable
mystery girl: just he looks really cute, sort of like a puppy dog and i like his hair. his cheeks too
mejido: who were DC United playing the game you first saw Ben?
mystery girl: i dont remember
mejido: When you left to go to the movie, what signs did Ben give that he wanted sex
mystery girl: i could just tell by the way he looked
mejido: what sorts of things did he say to you after you left the bar
mystery girl: it was really quiet in the car and we were just talking about where to go to and what movie we wanted to see. convinced me that this would be the only night i would get to do this and i was already sexually attracted to him
mejido: Did ben ever mention his girlfriend to you?
mystery girl:yes
mejido: ...what did he say about her?
mystery girl: i guess he felt he had to tell me about her~just that she is there if you know what i mean like he could never stay with me
mejido: Is Ben Olsen the best sex you've ever had?
mystery girl: i can't really tell but he was one of the best,possibly the best just becaus eof who hewas and this was sort of adream come true type of thing
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