Happy Every Fool's Day Everybody! Yes yes, it was a prank. Get over it. Well, I am happy to announce that the entire Kevin Payne/TAXI Fanzine saga was indeed a joke hatched by a hearty soul named Kristian Dyer and carried out by myself and Kevin Payne. Kristian Dyer first came to me with the joke idea, and convinced me that it would work. I immediately thought of possible co-conspiritors. Nick Sakiewicz? Nah, he hates me. Don Garber? Nah, not disliked enough. Kevin Payne? Hmmmm... a possibility! So I contacted DC United GM Kevin Payne and told him of the plans. He agreed to participate, and made a prediction, a statement, and a suggesetion. The prediction: That the joke would start a massive bigsoccer.com debate over free speech. The suggestion: That after I 'take down' my site, he would make a post to the DC United mailing list stating that "Michael Mejido has gone too far this time". The statement: That I, Michael Mejido, have absolutely no life. Needless to say, Mr. Payne was correct, clever, and observant, in that order. Now some of you might be asking yourselves "Why in God's name did Kevin Payne actually go along with this?" and "Why did he approve of the content of The Open Letter to Kevin Payne?" Payne went along with this because he's a damn good guy. He was open and helpful and seemed genuinely interested the project. As for approving the content of the Open Letter to Kevin Payne, well, in fact he didn't. I told Payne that I was going to write something bad for the joke, but that 'something bad' I left undefined. He agreed, and I set out to think of the most offensive thing I could write about. At the time, I felt that to have people believe a simple fan could actually piss off a GM to the point of sueing, I needed to be as insulting and rude as possible. If I had a chance to write that Open Letter over again, I think I would've toned it down a tad because 1) people are alot more gullible than I thought, and 2) Payne has instructed me never to show the Open Letter in public again under penalty of getting my teeth kicked in by the entire Payne family, which is a sign that he probably didn't like its content. Which is understandable. I'd just like to thank Kevin Payne for making this entire project possible and for having a damn good sense of humor! Without him the joke would've never taken off like it did, and never would've been as believable or cool as it was. He's already been instructed that he's getting a non-negotiable hug from me if we're ever to meet in person. Such a lovable guy is Payne. So why did this joke work? A few thoughts: 1) The timing - I knew from way back that whatever joke I pulled would have to start a few days before the first of April. Any 'big news' that would've happened around Saturday would've been too obvious. 2) It's believeable that I could be sued or at least censored - Especially after the Charlie Stillitano incident, when I actually was asked to take things down off my site. 3) The content of The Open Letter to Kevin Payne - Like I mentioned, in the beginning, I was convinced that to have everyone believe that a simple fan could piss off a GM to the point of sueing, the offending piece had to be very very rude and offensive. As the joke progressed, however, I began to feel that I could've simply written an article about how "Payne is a poopyhead" and still have people fall for it. What does everyone think about this? Would it have still worked? 4) Kevin Payne's 'gone too far' post to the DC United list - If you're subscribed to the DC list, you know that any post by Kevin Payne is like a post from God himself. 5) Jeff Bradley's 'edited out of the Boot Room' post - I had actually written Jeff in the middle of the joke and tried to play like I really was in deep crap with Payne. Damn Bradley saw right through it. So I asked him if he'd like to help and he said "Sure.. you're talented and handsome and I'd love to work with you". Ok so he didn't exactly say that but that's what he meant. Anyways, I decided that not enough people thought I was actually being sued - at this point most thought that my site was simply being censored. So Jeff made his post about the call to Payne and the rest is history. 6) All You People - I knew the biggest strength of the joke was to be everyone's rumoring and spastic talk on bigsoccer.com about me. I have to tell you people, you guys and gals did GREAT. It just went on, and on, and on, and on. I swear, even *I* was getting tired of all the posts after awhile. I must say, I was very impressed with the reactions at bigsoccer.com. You people are a spirited bunch. However I'd like to personally congradulate a few inviduals that really stepped up to the plate and gave great performances at bigsoccer.com over this entire week. Kelly Riles (MeridianFC) In the beginning only the worriers posted. "Oh my god is Michael ok?" "What's happened to Michael?" I was concerned that no one was going to start bashing me. Then up stepped Meridian FC and announced "Screw Michael Mejido". I swear every time I thought a thread was losing momentum this guy was there to pick it up. I had honestly thought about assuming a fake identity and start bashing myself to help spark the debate a bit, but this guy did it so well and did it with such pizzaz. Absolutely perfect. Dude, you're getting a hug if I see you at the game. Defining quote: "I'll say this again, does Mejido have the right to say what ever he wants? Yes. Is he a prick for doing so? Yes." Walter Tymczyna Walter is one of the most passionate guys I know. He's got drama dripping off of him like sweat. Very very thankful of Walter for actually starting an entire thread pointing out that i'm an 'internet hero'. Honestly though, Walter thought I was in trouble and was there to support me even though he's talked to me in person like, once? Don't think Walter's not getting a big hug too. Defining quote: "You should all be supporting Mike and his right to freedom of speech. If needed I will be the first one to stand for him. Kevin Payne should kiss Mike's feet for fueling the DC fan's desire and love with his Anti-DC page" Mike Segroves I don't think I'm giving Mike a hug. He scares me. Defining quote: "If I was KP and I met MM right now, there wouldn't be any talking. MM would be picking up his teeth off of the floor. I hope Mr. Payne brings the full force of civil and criminal law against this punk and crushes him." ursula Ursula reminds me of my therapist. Defining quote: "Much like Mejido and his emotional insecurity about sex, I get the idea that there are really very few people who are genuinely interested in soccer. For these people, soccer is just a way to hide genuine feeling, just a distraction, just a drug. This and the other similar threads on these boards confirms this to me. My guess is that Mejido, deep down, absolutely loves all of the attention that Payne is giving him, even if he's being sued. The attention is his true drug. After all, wasn't attention getting the only reason for his site?" ...and of course there are so many others. Alot of people supported me, and even though I wasn't really in trouble I did appreciate people who actually felt badly for me. And there were others who weren't so happy with me but believed that I had my freedom of speech - thanks to you guys too. And then there were those who wanted to castrate me. Thanks to you guys most of all, because you were steadfast in what you believed and were passionate while telling it. I'd also like to thank the following sites for buying into the hoax: CrewFan.com - Chuck Pearson actually wanted to interview me for the CrewFan site. I believe I told him that I couldn't due to legal reasons. He did the article anyways. Damn Pearson just wanted to leech off my misery to further his career. I feel so used! ;) MetroFan.com - Believe it or not, not even the guys at MetroFan knew about this joke. Sergio Delgado actually wrote this plea out of the goodness of his heart. God bless the Serg-meister. SoccerPoll - According to around 80%, I should be freed. Thank you everyone! So was there any good constructive outcome to this week's joke? Probably not. But look at it this way - it was exciting, no? For alot of you guys and gals, the events of this week piqued your interest, or got your dander up. Either way, it coaxed an honest feeling from you and made this week a little different from the others. In my eyes, that makes this prank worth something. A memory perhaps. And of course I didn't do this to make fools out of you, or sit back and laugh at you, or show you something or prove something to you. I just did it to try to out-do last year's prank. Damn... I don't know what the hell I'll do next year. Anyways, the 'zine is back, and I'm back, so we should all be happy and gay. Michael Mejido P.S. - if you're going to the DC/Metro game tonight and you see me, stop me and I'll take your picture. I'm hoping to put together a United vs. Metro photo album for the site. Screaming Eagles and ESC members prepare to say 'cheese'! | |||
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TAXI Fanzine Petition TAXI Fanzine issues a challenge to MLS that is long time in the making Make your voice heard! The TAXI Fanzine is going on the warpath on an issue near and dear to our hearts: In-stadium music. Fight the power! To read and sign the petition, please click here. | |||
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A Prayer for Tabare... ...and those that second guess Him. Oh Lord, Sometimes we take for granted our own mobility. We jump, we run, we play, we swim. We frollock playfully in the Tall Pussywillow Fields of Life. But Lord, sometimes we forget that mobility is a gift. Sometimes we forget that others don't have this same mobility. Help us remember this. Oh Lord, Sometimes we take for granted our own health. We breathe in, and breathe out carelessly, as if our lungs, trachea and broncial tubes were mear toys, and not gifts from You. We take for granted our muscles, tendons, ligaments, and use them without ever fearing a rip, fizzure, partial tear, or complete tear of the tissue. Help us remember that others are sometimes not so lucky, and must go through life in constant rehabilitation and fear of injury reaccurance. Oh Lord, Sometimes we take for granted our genitalia. We your children pork without care, thrusting and pounding, pounding and thrusting. Certainly one of your *most* splended gifts: our genitalia. This fleshy cylindrical pleasure torch, complimented by orbs of staggered length, make us happy and give us joy. We must never take these, your tools of procreation, for granted. So Lord, come to us now, and give us the stregth. Help us remember those poor unfortunate souls, born without any balls at all. Amen. (Get well Tabare) | |||
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Fanzine News Check out the fan page that some anonymous Fanzine fan sent in about Lothar's main squeeze Maren Müller-Wohlfahrt! We know two things about this anonymous fan: 1) he likes the Rock Us, Oh Matthaus welcome page, and 2) he likes Maren Müller-Wohlfahrt! To check out the page, click here. Also, I should mention that the great Michael Mejido will be away for about a week, so don't expect any Fanzine updates for about seven days. Yes, I know, he probably wouldn't have updated the page anyways, but he just figured it would be polite to tell all you ravoneously rapid Fanzine fans of his latest doings. He'll be heading down to Tampa for bit of Yankee Spring Training, and will hopefully be able to catch the Mutiny vs. Crew match to boot! | |||
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SJ Earthquakes Present New Mascot 'Rikter the CyberDog' is unveiled, fans cheer new furry friend.
After being introduced, Rikter the CyberDog ventured into the crowd to interact with children and adult alike. Rikter shook hands, gave hugs, and posed for pictures. "He really does work well with the kids. They really are drawn to him", said soccer mom Judy Densch. "I think my 4 year old will want to come to a few Earthquake games with us now!". The most touching moment of the afternoon was when Rikter (brilliantly brought to life by local actor Timothy Kahn), befriended six year old Betsy Prokofiev, a young mentally handicaped child who is a lifelong Quakes fan. After giving Betsy a high-five, Rikter knelt before her wheelchair and gave her a big hug. "That really made her day", said Betsy's mom Lillian Prokofiev, holding back a tear. "After her father's death, our lives have been... well, trying at times, but you should have seen how little Betsy's face lit up when she received Rikter's hug. She was estatic." Betsy herself was left speechless by her meeting with the Quakes mascot, but managed to whisper to this reporter, "I love Rikter... he's the bestest doggie in the world!". Local comic book store "Action Comics & Games" also annouced that Rikter will be featured in his own brand of action comics to be produced by DC Comics, Inc. The series will be entitled "The Adventures of Rikter the CyberDog", and will be available for purchase soon at comic books stores all over the Bay area. For a list of episodes, please continue on to the following link. | |||
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An Open Letter to Kerry Zavagnin
My name is Michael Mejido, and I run a website named the NY/NJ MetroStars TAXI Fanzine. I, of course, remember you from your time with our club, and while you were here I was undenyably your biggest and most vocal supporter. In fact, it's hard to to imagine there being a bigger Kerry Zavagnin fan then I. I have photos of you blown up to poster size and hung around my room. I have one of your Kerry Zavagnin MetroStars uniforms that you threw up to me after a game. I went trick-or-treating as you last Halloween - I just wore your uniform and popped in some blue contact lenses. I also write a journal for my site called "The Kerry Zavagnin Journal". Since you left the Metros, I've been following your career at Lehigh Valley, and am now terribly happy that you're trying out for a MLS team again. I'm confident you'll make the squad, and I look forward to watching your triumphant return to Giants Stadium (keep and eye out for me - I'll be the guy with the banner saying "Yeah Kerry! You kick ass! You show 'em who's boss Mr. Zavagnin!"). As you can see, I'm your biggest fan hands down. But I want to do more - I want to do more for you Kerry. I want to do something honestly great for you. Therefore, I have decided to give you the greatest gift that is in my power to give: Creative Motivation. You see, Kerry, you are a great soccer player, but I am a great internet webmaster. As mentioned previously, I run the NY/NJ MetroStars TAXI Fanzine. I have built it from the ground up, watching over its development from a small afternoon hobby to the largest MLS related website on our small planet. Surprisingly, the most popular section of the page is not the humor, rumor, or game sections. Instead, it is the Front Page. The front page of my website is the most popular place for web denizens to go to catch the latest Major League Soccer goings-on. It features news, transactions, stats, match reports - anything that interests the die-hard MLS fan. On top of being easy on the eye and very well-designed, it is also updated daily, making it a constant nerve center for net traffic. Kerry, after carefully thinking it through, I am proud to announce the following: I, Michael Debussy Mejido, being of sound mind and spirited heart, would like to offer up my Front Page, the front page of the TAXI Fanzine, to you, Kerry Zavagnin. This is the greatest gift I know how to give. You can put anything on my front page that you wish. You could write a poem. You could tell a story. You could draw a picture. You could make a commentary about World Peace. Or, you could simply say 'Hi' to all your fans - it's completely up to you. I only ask that your submission to my front page be heartfelt and honest - a true and accurate reflection of Kerry W. Zavagnin. Understand, Kerry, that the visting traffic of my front page knows only facts, stats, and idle static banter. This is what they want, this is what I provide. But your spirited submission will finally help them experience the depth of an actual human being - they will experience first-hand Heart instead of Injury Reports... Emotions instead of Transactions... Depth of the Human Spirit instead of Goals Against Average. So you see, Kerry - My gift to You will also be Your gift to Them. Ah yes... the beauty of Creative Motivation. Long have been my years, Kerry, and long have I searched for the spark that will allow me to influence my fellow man. Some say I can't. Some say that I'm not capable of such a feat. Kerry, it's a sad day when you realize your nay-sayers are in fact correct. It sickens me to have this power, this wealth of communication called the TAXI Fanzine, and only be able to use it for statistics. Witty prose. Player interviews. It sickens me, Kerry, it honestly and truely does. I have built myself into the perfect circumstance for Motivation, but my spiritual impotence has made me a failure in life. Kerry, I swore to myself - I made my self promise, that I'd find someone that could make a differece. Someone that would make people stand up and take notice. Someone who could move them. Make them feel again. Someone that could do what I could never do. My search has been long and hard, but I now believe I've found who I've been looking for. You are the Creative Motivator. Take what I give you and run with it. Use it to the best of your abilities. I know you can. The world is counting on you. It has been brought to my attention, Kerry, that it is possible you do not have a computer. If this is the case, I would ask that any family members, teammates, employees, or friends of Kerry that happen to be reading this to get in touch with Kerry and persuade him to accept my invitation - it would mean alot to me and my readers. Kerry, I will give you to March 12th to reply to this letter. If you have not responded by then, I will throw up my hands and give up. However, I am confident that you will find my offer too important to pass by. Thank You, Michael Mejido P.S. - I'm also forwarding this to the Kansas City Wizards. Hopefully they will pass this along to him before he gets cut. | |||
