Ahhhh yes... the MLS Cup. THE gala event of the Major League Soccer season. The big day. The championship game. Hell yeah you'd like to go! But you can't. Because you're a chump. But now's your chance to help a much more important person get to Foxboro. Yes folks, with a little help from YOU, Michael Mejido of the world-famous TAXI Fanzine will be going to MLS Cup '99. He just needs money! He needs YOUR money! So take some time, search your hearts and your pocketbooks, and contribute a little to the cause. SEND MICHAEL TO MLS CUP '99. He'll thank you for it, and god bless it, your dead mother will too.
Folks, Michael needs money! He needs money bad! Just how much money does he need? Well I'm glad you asked. Here's a quick breakdown of Michael's total expenses for his trip to Foxboro:
Goin' Expenses
$30.00 - Train tickets from Morristown, NJ to Boston, MA
$05.00 - Bus fare to Foxboro
$15.99 - Copy of Electric Light Orchestra's Greatest Hits Vol. 1 for trip up
While at Foxboro Expenses
$15.00 - Ticket
$10.00 - Souvenir MLS Cup '99 t-shirt
$05.00 - Chili dog and large coke
$99.99 - Binoculars for good view of Christina Aguilera's boobies
$10.00 - Baseball bat to maim stray DC fans
Comin' Back Expenses
$05.00 - Bus fare to Boston
$30.00 - Train tickets from Boston, MA to Morristown, NJ
$15.99 - Copy of Electric Light Orchestra's Greatest Hits Vol. 2 for trip back
....which comes to a grand total of $241.97 And I tell you what, i'll spot you the .97, so that leaves you people with $241 to come up with. Check or money orders accepted! Send contributions to the following address:
Send Michael to MLS Cup '99
P.O. Box 2431
Morristown, NJ 07960
Sure, YOU can't go to MLS Cup '99. You've got the kids to worry about... the in-laws the visit... the crack habit to feed. But why should your sad life prevent ME from having a good time? Remember, YOUR misery can be MY pleasure! Send in your money today to SEND MICHAEL TO MLS CUP '99!
Join the growing list of contributors to the "Send Michael to MLS Cup '99" fund!
"Michael, my husband Jorge desperately needs a liver transplant. But to tell you the truth, he's an obnoxious bastard... So I'm proud to send you the little money we have! Bless you, Michael, and enjoy yourself at MLS Cup '99!
Pilar Sanchez
Newark, NJ
"The TAXI Fanzine site is cool. It makes me laugh. I'll send my money now."
Oliver Williams
Fairfield, CT
"Michael, I simply can't take my eyes off of your picture. Look at you... you sexy man you... you make me want to be a baaaaad girl... Oh Michael, making me quiver under my bodice like a silly schoolgirl! Well you sex machine, a hefty sum of cash is on its way. And on the way back home from MLS Cup '99, you can stop by my condo if you'd like... I'll be waiting."
Jennifer Anastos
New York, NY
Would you like to leave message about the fund? E-mail Michael Mejido at mmejido@gti.net
I'd also like to officially invite the NY/NJ MetroStars to make a contribution to the "Send Michael to MLS Cup '99" fund. How better can they repay the #1 MetroStars fan for all his years of loyal service to the club? So to all those MetroStars employees/officials out there: let the spirit o' giving enter your soul! (Mr. Stillitano, this means you!)
