From: Michael Mejido (mmejido@gti.net)
To: CMC International (cmc.international@bmge.org)
Subj: URGENT NOTICE

To whomever it may concern,

My name is Michael Mejido, and I have some very disturbing news for you. I recently purchased Alexi Lalas's "Ginger" CD, a product that your music company has produced. After listening to it a few times, I rather enjoyed it - it is full of those happy, jumpy, poppy, toe-tappin' rock songs that have become so prevalent in today's society. Despite my pleasure, I was bothered by a slight noise I heard over the top of one of Alexi's tracks, "Drive-By Serenade".

After listening to this track again and again through earphones, I was certain that I could hear a very quiet voice starting at 00:27 and ending at 01:24. I listened intently to make out what the voice was saying, but alas it was too garbled. Then it came to me - maybe the voice was backwards! I rushed to my computer to reverse the track and listen to it. I turned up the volume, lowered all the other sounds, and sure enough, there was the voice! It was a horrible, high-pitched voice, and its timbre rattled my very soul. As I listened, my heart sank, for I realized the voice was Alexi's. Or at least it seemed like Alexi's, for I have never heard Lalas sound as maniacal, evil, ruthless, and power hungry as this particular voice did. After overcoming my initial shock, I managed to write down what this voice was saying, its filthy sermon of hate erupting on my notepad like an awakened volcano. Its message I now pose before you:

"Congratulations, you pathetic scum, you have found the secret message! Now worship me! Worship me like the God I am you meaningless piece of cow dung! I will destroy all those who oppose me! Death to all my enemies! (evil laugh) Death to all those who seek to block me from my rightful place as ruler of All That Is! I command you! I command You, the miserable masses of human filth, to worship me! Bow to Me, The King of slow-footed defenders! Bow to Me, The king of crappy pseudo-rock! Bow to me, your leader, your icon, your GOD! Death and chaos my allies! Pain my weapon! Your souls my lifeblood! (evil laugh)"

At this point I am sure you are as shocked, hurt, and confused as I was upon first hearing the Voice's evil words. But overcome it, my brother (or sister)! If the Voice truly is Alexi Lalas's, then we must stop him at all costs!

Before this 1999 MLS season started, Alexi did an interview with a Kansas City radio station. In it, he talked about 'three signs':

Alexi: "Yes Bob, but my declining skill is no longer important. What IS important are the signs, of which there are three. When these signs come to pass, the demon LoveBrush will once again rise from this earthly body and begin the Eternal Night!"

Bob: "Uh... that's great Alexi... now what do you think about being left off the U.S. National Team?"

Alexi: (mumbles something)

This interview plainly shows Alexi, not as the loveable sap that is constantly dribbled around and laughed at, but as an evil demon spawn hell-bent on world domination! I fear poor Alexi has been used as an earthly womb for the demon LoveBrush, and once these mysterious 'three signs' happen, LoveBrush will eat Alexi from the inside and burst from his remains, free to use the Earth however he sees fit. After some research, I have come to the conclusion that two of these signs are as follows:

a) Alexi being traded to the Kansas City Wizards
b) Alexi retiring from soccer

I am of course not sure of the third sign, but we must discover it soon, or face the wrath of LoveBrush!

I hope I can count on your company to help me in this most worthy of causes.

Michael Mejido
mmejido@gti.net