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"What do you mean I look like Marco Etcheverry with my new hair cut? I have a mustache..."

"hey, I didn't ask for Reebok!"

"What the fuck?"

"My name is Enuego Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

"But coach, I AM every woman!"

"Oh yeah? Well you're THIS dumb, you gave up Graziani to get me!"

"Phil: I don't care what you say Ty, ever since Jesus Christ joined the Revolution he's been nothing short of controversial."

"Come on people, we won, make some noise! Give it up, give it...ah, hell, nevermind."

"You steppin'?"

"You mean two-footed tackles from behind are illegal? Geez, I didn't know that!"

"Harkes! You're just not that good!"

"Oh come on! How was I supposed to know the tackle would break his leg?"

"You're kidding me? We STILL have a chance to make the playoffs?"

"No officer, its not mine. I was just holding it for a friend."

"#14, Captain Hook, Midfield"

"No, really, I actually AM this big! Chicks really dig me."

"So, when they put it in that big net-thingy...that's bad, right?"

"Crap, I'm double parked!"

"Holy S**t where am I?"

"OH NO!!! I left my stove on!"

"PLEASE kill me"

"I swear she told me she was 21"

Hey, is there anyone on this team that can play defense?