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"Worlds most bizarre (and incompetent) pair of Siamese twins."

"ok guys...move a little closer together....uh..charlie, how 'bout putting your hand on Ed's crotch..." Charlie: "but i've already it down the back of his pants."

And the "Jackass of the Year Award" (aka the Charles Stillitano Achievement Award) goes to...

Eduardo Hurtado receives the "Worlds Worst Player" award from Danny Devito.

S**t, and me without my gun!

"We'd like to thank the fans for voting for us." --Eduardo and Charlie, MLS co-shcmucks of the year.

"I love the way Eduardo rests his hand on my shoulder!"

"...Eduardo, my room number is on the bottom of the trophy.."

"If i just smile, maybe this dude will leave me alone... he has been following me all evening!"

"I appreciate the Metros paying me lots of money to go try out for foreign clubs!"

Charlie: "You comming back next year?" Eduardo: "Not a chance in hell." "

"Please God...Make It Stop."

"Seņores, I present my new wife, Snookums."

"The Apocalypse Party's 2000 presidential ticket."

"President Charles Stilliano welcoming professional soccer player Eduardo Hurtado to the New York chapter of The Holy World Society of Morons."

"Hurtado: "Thanks, Dad!"

Hurtado: "hmm...I can stay here for the rest of my dead career and live off my league max salary" Charlie: "I gotta kick this guy's A$$ back south of the border"

"Charlie: How can I get this big goof off my team! He smells like shit! He should get his ass back to his country! Eduardo Retardo: Holding this heavy piece of wood is gettin me more tired than any game this whole season!"

"Please kill me"

"Who is this bald guy and why is he kissing my ass with this meaningless award?"

"He may not score any goals, but by golly, he is our best forward."

"Charlie, take your hand off my ass"

"Mediocrity"