An Interview with Josef Mejido, My Brother

On Wednesday, April 11th, I had the opportunity to sit down with Josef August Mejido and conduct an interview. Actually, I didn't sit down 'with' him, I actually just talked with him over Instant Message.




M: alright uncle frere
M: we have some serious business to discuss

J: oh yeah

M: ok bub
M: now for a long time, the visitors to the TAXI Fanzine have wondered, "Has Michael Mejido, creator of that wonderful website, got him a brother?"
M: and I've historically said, of course, No
M: ....but NOW is time to reveal that I DO INDEED HAVE A BROTHER

J: christ
J: no one better ever e-mail me

M: and so I must conduct an interview to be displayed on said 'zine de la taxi

J: um
J: i'm not sure how i feel about this

M: oh you feel great about this
M: you ready frere?

J: i guess

M: answer truthfully to every question, i must ask

J: we'll see
J: this better not be long

M: ok here we go
M: So, what's it like being the lesser of the two Mejido brothers?

J: i'm not

M: that's not a very exciting response.

J: i'm not an exciting brother

M: ok, what's your name

J: you know my name

M: i'm not asking for me, bub
M: ...i'm asking for the visitors of the grand taxi fanzine
M: and your future public

J: how is this thing going to be displayed?
J: this whole conversation cut and pasted?

M: could be

J: how many questions

M: 'till i run out

J: make it REAL quick

M: Alright your name is Josef Mejido

J: yes

M: how old are you, Josef?

J: 21

M: Where do you go to college?

J: william and mary

M: Do you know any of the alumni of W&M playing in the MLS? If so, name them now along with their teams

J: that good goalie played here, and i currently forget his name, and i have no clue who he plays for since i don't follow the mls.....AT ALL

M: speaking of... what do you think about MLS?

J: it is crap, i could play in that stupid league

M: So do you have a favorite MLS team?

J: no

M: can you name ONE mls team at least?

J: dc united and the metrostars

M: have a favorite player?

J: no

M: tsk... god bub
M: .....give me one player at least

J: i don't have a damn favorite player!
J: what the hell else am i supposed to say

M: .....alright sorry! jeez

J: damn straight

M: ....Why do you hate MLS so much?

J: i don't hate it, i just think it is a joke

M: so you just 'dislike' it

J: no
J: just not worth any time

M: what does that mean?

J: it's a tiny step above the xfl, that's what that means

M: ....jesus christ... bub, you know you're not making any friends here

J: what is that supposed to mean

M: ....people are going to see this and hate you

J: am i supposed to care?

M: whatever bub
M: .....alright let's 'change the pace' a bit...

J: ok
J: "change the pace"

M: .....yes.
M: 'change the pace'

J: yes
J: change the fuckin' pace already

M: BUB!!!!!
M: ...enough with the language bub!
M: ....jeez..

J: get goin' already

M: Now you were the captain of the Morristown High varsity soccer team as a senior, correct?

J: co-captain

M: Could you please recreate for us the story of your very first game as a varsity player?

J: um, i don't think that would be appropriate

M: um, i think it would
M: ...c'mon bub...

J: i tripped billy walsh's brother from behind
J: and got a yellow card
J: and was "boo'd"

M: ....that's a rather condensed version of the story...

J: you can fill in the blanks

M: ...which walsh brother was it?

J: i think his name is mike, but i'm not sure

J: he was a lot better than me

M: and how did tripping a Walsh make you feel...

J: good, because he would have scored otherwise

M: if you could say something to Mike Walsh now, what would it be...

J: "hey"

M: ....nice job bub...

J: no problem

M: ok then
M: ....Why do you think the ladies have historically flocked to me?

J: they don't, that's all in your twisted head

M: Who do you think mom and dad love more, me or you?

J: you

M: well, glad you've finally come to your senses on that one, bub

J: uh huh

M: Why do you work out so much... is it because you feel inferior to me?

J: yeah, your 130 pound frame is very intimidating

M: hold on... phone
M: sorry bub
M: Mr. Miller on phone!
M: ...WILL FEED HIS CATS THIS WEEKEND
M: WILL MAKE MONEY

J: wonderful

M: WHOOHOO!
M: now where were we?
M: ....bub wake up

J: i'm here

M: ok
M: back with the questions
M: Remember the time I kicked you in your mouth and chipped your tooth?

J: no

M: please bub
M: that was one of my shining moments

J: whatever

M: ....remember the time i kicked you in the crotch area?

J: no

M: bub...

J: this is stupid
J: i'm gonna go

M: ....alright hold on!

J: you're a waste of my time

M: ....ok hold on hold on
M: .....back to real questions
M: Name one good thing about MLS

J: too hard to answer

M: bub one thing
M: ....got to be one thing

J: there really isn't anything

M: so when you come to a game you just have a horrible time
M: ...it's like torture, coming to a MLS game
M: you sit in pain, watching the game

J: i watch the game
J: and i enjoy it

M: bub you're insane
M: ....you just said you couldn't think of one good thing about MLS

J: the league is just a waste of time and money
J: would i personally pay money for a ticket, no

M: why?

J: i'd spend my money elsewhere

M: .....god this is the least exciting interview in the world

J: and you thought it would be different
J: make some crap up
J: i dont' care

M: .....ok hold on
M: .....what courses are you taking at W&M?

J: oceanography, biochemistry, art of china, learning & memory, general chemistry II

M: when was the last time you got lower than an A in a class

J: last semester
J: jerk

M: How many times have you gotten lower than an A in your entire 'college career'

J: approximately 5 i guess

M: Oooo.. what did you get a B+ in those classes?

J: i guess

M: ugh
M: ....Why did all the smart genes go to you, bub?

J: i'm not smart, i just have motivation
J: so, motivation genes went to me

M: Tell us about the time you saw the alien ship outside your window.

J: that was fucked up
J: and i'd rather not talk about it
J: thank you

M: bub talk about it
M: .....do explain....

J: it was some light, that was there, and then shot off and didn't come back

M: and when did you see this?

J: high school
J: it was probably a gov'ment plane or something

M: how late at night did you see it

J: 1am

M: you weren't doing any of the illegal drugs, were you

J: no sir
J: just touchin' my junk

M: How's it feel to be the brother of somebody famous?

J: you're not famous

M: ....If you could say one thing to your brother Michael Mejido, what would it be?

J: get a job and stop asking me for money all the time

M: bub i don't ask you for money

J: sure you do
J: and never pay me back

M: i don't ask anybody for money! what are you talking about

J: whatever

M: bub... i pay back everything i borrow
M: usually

J: ok ok, whatever

M: How many miles do you bike a week?

J: not many at the current time
J: due to damn school work

M: in your prime, how many miles did you bike a week
M: in your 'hey day' so to speak

J: 150-200
J: or like 130-200

M: ....what are you talking about

J: miles

M: yeah i got that bub...
M: ....ugh
M: ....bub, so you get straight A's
M: and you work out

J: no
J: i do not get straight a's
J: and i work out as much as i have time for

M: .....and the rest of the time you do what?

J: chill

M: yes, define 'chill'

J: i dunno, just chill

M: bub...
M: this is an interview
M: ....you have to 'explain' yourself a bit

J: you're probably going to butcher all my words anyways

M: c'mon now bub...

J: i like to watch tv, listen to music, talk to people, eat, drink, meet extremely hot girls, etc

M: .....god bub.... not drink any of the 'alcohol' i hope

J: ALCOHOL takes the edge off!!!
J: and lord knows i have edge
J: and makes me think clearer
J: nothing like a swift belt of jack to clear your head
J: ok, it's about time for me to go to the rec

M: tsk..
M: ....Bub... you can't just walk out of an interview

J: enough with this "interview"

M: .....should be glad someone wants even interview your sorry self

J: yeah, right

M: ....ok before you go
M: .....What do you think about my website, the world famous TAXI Fanzine
M: and what would you like to say to all of my visitors

J: i don't know much about it because i rarely look at it

M: way to take an interest in your brother's life, bub
M: ....i appreciate that

J: no problem
J: and to your visitors
J: i don't know what i have to say to them
J: other than "WHY????????"

M: ....god
M: .....bub, why do you insult me and my work

J: it is fun and fulfilling

M: .....whatever bub

J: when you get $
J: from this site, is when i pay attention

M: .....whatever

J: and until then, your work is a waste of time

M: ......(sigh)
M: ......thanks bub
M: ....i appreciate that

J: no problem

M: ......bub, you know if you ever come to a metro game again
M: ....i could introduce you to Jeff Bradley

J: i don't even know what he looks like

M: yes, that's because YOU'VE NEVER MET HIM

J: i don't even know what he does!
J: can i go now?Q!?!?!@?>!@>?!??

M: fine...
M: forget it bub

J: oh, i forgot it

M: .....wait one more question

J: ?

M: Do you get upset when I call you a homosexual, and that you go to "William & Gary"?

J: no, because i rarely pay attention to anything you say
J: and i'm better than you

M: well, it's always a love fest talking with you bub

J: and you're the one we suspect of being gay
J: not me
J: so, on that note, i shall be going to the rec now

M: ......fine...
M: ....nice crappy interview you gave....

J: well, you wasted about an hour of my life
J: goodbye brother

M: yes, farewell 'brother'