From: Michael Mejido (mmejido@gti.net) To: Kevin Payne (united-fan@mlsnet.com) Subj: Please forward to GM Kevin Payne

Dear Mr. Payne,

I am a faithful follower of Major League Soccer, and would like to attend an upcoming playoff game at RFK featuring DC United in the "Quest for the Cup". However, to be honest, I am a bit worried about coming to your stadium. I've heard that in the past, fans have been hassled and even stabbed at United soccer contests.

Mr. Payne, I am a proud fellow, full of confidence and gumption, so I usually don't let things such as these bother me. I would like to believe that they were isolated incidents, and that the atmosphere at RFK is fan-friendly 99.9% of the time. However, the fact that in-stadium violence has occurred once leads me to believe it can happen again. Therefore, I would like an official guarantee from yourself, Mr. Kevin Payne, and your club that I will be protected during my stay at RFK.

I make this request for an important reason, Mr. Payne. Being that I am full of confidence and gumption (my auntie Geraldine also tells me I'm full of piss and vinegar... I'm not sure what that means), I am coming to RFK in one of three possible costumes. I feel that if one is to really embody the spirit of the MLS Playoffs ("The Quest for the Cup"), one must dress one's self up in a funny costume and jump around like a fruit. At this juncture, I am not totally sure of the costume I am to wear. However being full of confidence and gumption (and piss and vinegar), I can tell you I have a habit of choosing costumes that can be, well, let's say "excitable". I am open to the possibility that my choice of garb may perturb the 99.9%-of-the-time-calm-.1%-of-the-time-insanely-violent fans at RFK. For my own safety and the safety of others, I would rather not see this happen. Therefore, I thought you might want to look over all my possible costumes in order to better understand why I have made my request.

At present, I have simmered my costume choices down to three different ideas:

a) I will dress up in an El Salvador National Team uniform, wave around a bloody butcher knife, hold a fake severed Raul Diaz Arce head under my arm, and scream, "HE'S DEAD!!! I'VE KILLED HIM!!! AGGHHHHHHH!!!"

b) I will dress up like a large soccer ball and do a song and dance routine highlighting each of Tom Presthus's games in goal for United this year. Then, when I come to the CONCACAF Cup game vs. Necaxa, I will take out a gun and shoot myself in the head.

c) I will invite three of my midget friends, and dress them up as underage girls. I will then dress up as Marco Etcheverry and have my three midget friends take turns sitting on my lap, while I play with their hair and tickle their little tootise-toes.

Again, I'm open to the possibility that these costumes may excite a few of the bad apples to violence, and so I feel appropriate action must be taken. I would appreciate it if your club could provide me with the protection I've requested, either surrounding me with big burly security guards or a equipping me with a weapon of some sort, a .357 Magnum Smith and Wesson being preferable because my auntie Geraldine has been teaching me to shoot tomato cans with one in the yard out back.

Thank you for your time. I'm sure my request will be deemed reasonable enough to be granted.

Michael Mejido
mmejido@gti.net