WELCOME brethren! This is the Anti-DC United Hate Page, your complete guide to hatred of the vile whores we call DC. What is the use of a page such as this? Good question. The best we can think of is this: No matter where you go, no matter what you do, people tell you to be good. To do the right thing. To love your brother. To love your enemy. However your life experience instructs you to do differently, does it not? As a fan of soccer, you feel the bile start to burn your stomach, the viens start to pop out of your forehead, your hands tighten into fists at the mear MENTION of the words DC United. Who are they.. who are THEY to say we are to LOVE the scum... the filth of DC?!? They are our enemies, and we as MetroStars fans are to act appropriately. So, next time you hear a goodie-goodie tell you to love your enemy, you tell them NEY WENCH! I DOTH NOT LISTEN TO YOUR RUBBISH! And then focus your entire being on hating the Scum. Therefore this page is your tool, your inspiration. If you feel the hatred rising after seeing DC win and you don't a John Harkes Bandai action figure to burn, come here and... Help spread the hate!™

Ahhhhh friends, there are SO many reasons to dislike DC United. Let's list them, shall we? The TAXI Fanzine would like to present...

Eleven Reasons Why DC Bites the Big One

DC United is located in Washington D.C. ...and as we all know, ain't nothin' good comes out of DC.

RFK is falling apart It's just not a authentic day at RFK without someone yelling OH CHRIST JOSE, WATCH OUT FOR THAT FALLING SLAB OF CONCRETE!

Due to an unfair bias for DC, the league gives them all the best young talent out of college Although being far and away the best team in MLS, DC somehow managed to recieve Ben Olsen as a Project 40 player in 1998. In 1999, they received Antonio Otero and Chris Albright. Which P-40 players did the MetroStars have in '98 or '99? Barry Swift. 'Nuff said.

Their fans will stab you in the back ...and I ain't sayin' that they'll double cross you. When I say stab in the back, I MEAN stab in the back!

DC United is financed by Nazi money It is common knowledge that the "Evil Empire" has been backed by leftover WWII Nazi booty ever since its inception in 1996. Here are the facts: the team was originally to be nicknamed "The Washington Happy Squirrels". The original owners were then mysteriously bought out by an organization calling themselves the "Sozialistische International", with much of the monatary backing coming from a silent partner known only as "Dieter". The team nickname was immediately changed to "United", and "Harry the Happy Squirrel" was removed as mascot and replaced with "Gunter the Pureblood Eagle". Coincidence? We think not.

Former coach Bruce Arena is a pedophile Really now, what kind of organization would let a pervert mold their young talent? Can Ben Olsen really live a normal healthy life after accepting a seemingly generous invititation to "shack up" at the Arena residence in the beginning of the '98 season? Can Carry Talley ever recieve a supportive slap on the butt from a teammate without flashing back to the time "Bruce gave me a ride home from practice"?

Jeff Agoos looks like a bloated cow OK, this has nothing to do with why DC is hatred-worthy, but at the same time it ain't exactly going to be winning DC any new fans either

My dog Scruffy was run over by a car with a DC United bumper sticker This is more of a personal thing...

They're good, and i'm a jealous bastard No comment.

They used to have John Harkes on their team ...and as we all know, John Harkes is a pompus jerk.

...and last but not least...

I really hate THIS guy:

...Given these reasons, it should be painfully obvious why DC United is known as the "Evil Empire" and why they are worthy of all the hatred the human spirit can muster. But what can the average fan like you and I do to stop this plague known as DC? Yes, folks, DC truely is the last bastion of true evil on this planet we call Earth... now the Anti-DC Hate Page would like to present... Things That You Can Do About "The Problem"

Kick a DC fan in the ass
Burn a poster of Marco Etcheverry
Cut off a Bolivian on the way to work
Call United GM Kevin Payne "Kevin MAJOR Payne" and then laugh uncontrollably
Piss in Carlos Llamosa's gastank
Wear make-up and a dress to the next game at RFK and tell people you're Eddie Pope's sister
Make a paper mache' statue of Richie Williams and set it on fire in RFK's parking lot
Make fart sounds while Rongen tries to instruct the team
Throw ketchup on your back and lay face down in section 132
Go to the box office and ask if they have any tickets reserved for "Heywood Jablowme"
Pass gas and blame it on Jaime Moreno
Make up a song about Ben Olsen and try to sing it to him as he walks to his car
Jump on Richie Williams and see how far he can carry you piggy-back
Grab the TV from the locker room and put it in Roy Lassiter's trunk
Get behind the goal and flick boogers at Tom Pretheus
Get dressed as the DC United eagle and rub up against hot women
Offer a young child a piece of cake compliments of DC United, then smash it in his face
While DC is attacking, jump on the field and go into convulsions
Put on a Napolean hat, jump in front of Thomas Rongen, dance a little jig and continually repeat "I'm De Groot Kaas De Groot Kaas!"
Marry into Jeff Agoos's family and during every get-together ask him to explain what went wrong vs. Jamaica.
Pump Barry Manilow and Styx into RFK's PA system
Ask fans at RFK if they like DC United, and if they say yes, start singing showtunes.
Dump a bagfull of trash in front of a RFK custodian and tell him to pick it up

...well friends, we wish you luck on your quest to rid the world of all things DC. Let's get the word on the street people! SAY NO TO DC! ...and remember, if your friends invite you to go to a DC United, they are NOT your friends! Be strong people, spread the word and... Help spread the hate!™

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